A mother losing her baby has often been told on soap opera. However, the aftermath as executed on last week’s episodes of The Young and the Restless, was, in particular, heartbreaking.

At the epicenter of it was Sally Spectra (Courtney Hope), pregnant with Adam’s (Mark Grossman) baby, and with her current boyfriend and Adam’s brother, Nick (Joshua Morrow). nowhere to be found (he was off saving Sharon and Faith from the clutches of Cameron Kirsten), it was Adam who had to step up and make the decision … save the life of Sally, or their baby? He chose Sally, and the baby died, leaving Sally absolutely devastated and blaming Adam for his choice.

In magnificent performances by Courtney Hope, along with Mark Grossman, Sally’s pain and trying to cope with the loss struck a nerve in so many viewers, both men and women alike, who have at some point suffered the loss of a child, from whether a baby was stillborn to losing a child later in life.

Michael Fairman TV spoke with Courtney on: playing the scenes that were so emotionally-draining, working with Joshua and Mark in key moments in Sally’s loss, if she sees Adam as Sally’s true love, and some recent online theories that maybe the child is somehow alive. Hope’s work is also our choice for the Power Performance of the Week. Here’s what she shared on the moving storyline and more.

This performance of yours has been just amazing and gut-wrenching. I was looking on my site and I haven’t seen anything quite like this in a really long time. People are sharing their stories of losing a baby in the comment section after what you had written your Instagram story about portraying the loss of a baby. That’s what can be amazingly powerful in this medium, to know how affected viewers were on the portrayal and the story. I will share what one woman said: “I lost my baby girl.  She was taken from me, and my husband at the time made the decision for them to take my girl and save my life and I refused to let her go. I had the nurse being there to hold and sing a song to her. She’s always with me. This episode was so epic for me. I never forgave the doctor or my husband. I cried and left the hospital 70 pounds lighter. I wouldn’t eat, I didn’t take the drugs. I died inside. Thank you for your portrayal. This is a great story. You did a terrific job. God bless all mothers who’ve lost their one and only.”

COURTNEY: I’ve received so many stories as well. It’s just been beautiful to witness. Some women, they’ll post about it and then someone else will comment on theirs and then they end up in a dialogue. It’s just very profound.

Courtesy/CBS

At what point did you know that Sally was going to lose the baby? Did you know this from the beginning of the storyline, or did you find out when you opened your script one day?

COURTNEY: No, I found out about a month before it happened. When I found out I was heartbroken, and when I found out it was right before I was about to shoot some scenes. I remember after I got done, I was getting ready to drive home and I actually cried a little bit.  It was so sad. I wanted that baby for Sally for so long and with Adam.

In hindsight, you probably wish you hadn’t known about it, but they had to tell you.

COURTNEY: I know! When they called me to tell me she would lose the baby, I was like, “What? You’re kidding?” One of the producers is the one that told me. I was like, “Oh, my God.” Then, they told me how it’s going to happen. Not in detail, but like “this is the synopsis of how it happens.”  I just was immediately heartbroken. I am glad that I did find out because I immediately that night went to the drawing board and really started to gather other people’s stories and really sat with it.  I was able to have that month to really sit in that loss and what that would look like.

Courtesy/CBS

It was anguishing just for the viewers. How did you get through the actual taping and then how did you feel afterwards? Were you like, “OK, I’m going to go home now,” or were you so deeply affected and that couldn’t get back to your own life?

COURTNEY: My body absolutely went through it. I was exhausted. I know the last day when Sally says, ” I would like to see my baby now,” my brother and his girlfriend actually messaged me right before I went on set and said, they were at a nearby restaurant. They said, “We wanted to surprise you and take you to lunch because we know you’ve had a really rough couple of weeks at work.” When I got done with the scenes, I just like sat in the hospital bed for a second, and they moved sets and started to film at another set. I just had to sit there for a second.  When I went over to meet my brother and his girlfriend, I actually felt like I was going to pass out.  I eventually came home and slept. My body didn’t understand the difference. My brain knew it wasn’t real, but my body just didn’t. I definitely wanted to pay respects to the loss of a child as a whole, a stillbirth or losing a child mid to late term. Then, what it’s like and all the details of it, right? I wanted to kind of encapsulate it as a whole. I just really tried to, during those couple weeks, just anytime I wasn’t at work, take care of myself.  I knew that my body was going to go through it. That’s what we sign up for as actors and it’s what I love to do and that’s tell stories. Sometimes that means, me being that vessel. It’s not always an easy story to tell, but that’s life, right? That’s what’s written. When I wasn’t at work I was really meditating and doing breathing work, eating healthy and drinking lots of water. I was talking to myself like. “Hey, you know, I’m going to take care of you. You got this.” When it was finally over and I had taped all the emotional scenes, that weekend I just went to my parent’s house and just really vegged out.

Courtesy/CBS

There were so many hankie-inducing moments in your performance when Sally found out she lost her baby.  However, the one that really got to me was when she rang the call button and said, “I’m ready to see my baby now.”

COURTNEY: That was the hardest moment for me. I don’t even know if you can really see it in the shot, but my body was shaking so bad, that my chin started chattering and it was crazy. I don’t think my body’s ever been through anything like that. My chin is chattering uncontrollably out of this stress. I kind of just went into all those scenes going, “Whatever happens, happens. I know, I’ve done the work. I’m just going to allow myself to just be here and, and be open to whatever’s going to come.”  It was rough. Originally, I was like, “Are they going to write a scene where Sally holds her baby?” Afterwards, I was really glad they didn’t.

Courtesy/CBS

I was worried we were going to get that scene, too! I thought Mark Grossman was so great in this as well. In one of the scenes, you’re supposed to be there with your eyes closed sleeping, and Adam is at Sally’s bedside professing all of to her including the thought of losing her. Adam says, “We may not be together, but I can’t imagine a world without you.” He adds “You need to know that I dreamed of this baby, too. I loved who she would be, our spicy little girl.” Adam also admits, “I knew the choice that you would want. You would choose her because you love her, but I choose you because I love you.” So, here is Mark acting his heart out, and you’re hearing all this, but can’t really react. Although, later we find out Sally did hear what Adam said to her.

COURTNEY: It was heartbreaking. There were a couple moments when I had tears in my eyes. I thought to myself, “Please don’t have a tear fall from my face because I’m supposed to be asleep.” (Laughs). Mark is just brilliant and wonderful as an actor. To be there with him, and to know the story that we’ve created, and the relationship we’ve built around Adam and Sally and to also know that Sally does love Adam and she knows that he lost a child, too. Sally just can’t get past the reality that’s right in front of her, and so hearing him say those things definitely made it hard to not respond. I remember, there was a scene a couple weeks ago where right before we went to the hospital, where Adam kind of tucks Sally in bed and then he goes to walk away and I go and grab his hand. I kind of had that same urge to want to pull him close, but then also have that moment of just being still really angry at the situation as a whole, which is being reflected on him. So, there was a lot going on through it. I just kept thinking, “Please don’t let a tear come out of this closed eyeball right now, because they’re going to have to shoot it again, and I don’t want to have to do that to Mark.”

Courtesy/CBS

What was the rehearsal process like for you and Mark? How did you take it from rehearsal to the set? Were many of the emotional scenes shot in one take?

COURTNEY: We ran lines it a lot and we sat a lot with it, too. We actually got on the phone that week too, a couple times, before we would go to bed and just kind of FaceTimed what we were going to portray with it because we both knew how impactful this story was. We both wanted to do our due diligence about it. Both of us have experienced loss in our lives and we wanted to band together and figure out how we get this story across in the most authentic way possible. It was also important to work on the difference between a male and a female, a father and a mother and being ex’s, right? They’re not together. Sally’s with Nick. So, how did that look rather than being a husband and wife who lose a baby. There were just so many details. Then, when we got to set, we would run the scene, but we also spent a lot of time kind of just in silence, sitting in that moment. When they yelled “action”, it became about allowing whatever happened to come about. I found myself getting even angrier in those moments. I remember afterwards, Mark saying it really brought up in him this need to calm me down and wanting me to be okay. We didn’t do that many takes on everything. Mostly one take, maybe two tops on a couple of the scenes. Sometimes, the rehearsal was vastly different than the take because it’s different just every time you do it. There were so many emotions surging through you, and each time a different one might come to the surface. We were just kind of along for the ride.

The sad part is, Adam so loves her. It was so apparent that he loves Sally even though they’re not together. Do you think Sally really loves him, but she just can’t bring herself to admit that?

COURTNEY: I, personally, truly believe that she is still in love with Adam. That’s how I’ve been playing it. However, Adam did hurt her last year, and so she’s still kind of holding onto that. She then fell for Nick, and loves Nick. and knows of Adam’s history. I think that especially with the baby and in those moments, Adam really showed up and was there for her. I could see through time the deepening of her love again for him, but right now she has Nick there, and she really loves him too.  I think that, mixed with the hormones, there was this back and forth of sometimes she would just be really irritated with Adam, but some of it was just irritation within herself. I just truly believe that she really, really loves Adam, but she’s afraid. She’s scared. Now, with this whole thing that came about and with the baby and the choice, I think it’s just another deep pain for her to have to go through. But again, I do believe she loves Adam. That’s the way I see it. I don’t see how she couldn’t. They’re so similar, but she does love Nick and she wants to respect and honor Nick.  She’s in a predicament!

Courtesy/CBS

There was also a great scene with Joshua Morrow when Nick comes to Sally in the hospital, and tells her to please give Adam a break.  Nick tries to get her to understand that Adam was trying to be there for her, and he was defending his brother, while Sally shut him out.

COURTNEY: I thought it was great. I thought Joshua did a really great job and. Nick has his own drama going on with Sharon and Cameron and Faith. I remember he walked into our scenes, and we’d already done almost all the them, I loved that Nick got to support his brother and to show his vulnerability. His tears came to the rise instantly the second talked about the loss of a child. Everyone was great including Brytni Sarpy (Elena). They were really present and really there, and really committed to telling the story.

You heard the online rumors that Elena may have actually taken Sally’s baby?

COURTNEY: I did! I did read that and I was laughing really hard, but I also was like, “Actually, that would be great though.” I also saw another theory that Victor (Eric Braeden) sold the baby. You just never know!

Courtesy/CBS

I don’t love that kind of storytelling a lot of the times, because it does sort of unwind or then negate what we just saw. I kind of like the drama of, “Oh, my God. This is so heartbreaking.”  

COURTNEY: I completely agree with you.

You are one lucky girl. You’ve got Joshua and Mark as your leading men.

COURTNEY: I’m very fortunate. I think they’re both absolutely amazing actors. They’re both amazing men.  I’m beyond blessed and they’re both so fun to work with, too. They have a really great balance of taking their work really seriously, but are also playful and they make it fun to where we can go from crying to laughing in a heartbeat.

Sally wanted the baby to be Nick’s, correct? That is what she really was hoping for?

COURTNEY: I think she definitely did. I think it would’ve just been easier. However, I think in time, she settled into the realization and being okay with the baby being Adam’s, especially because he was so attentive. He was present and they had many moments of just really wonderful banter, especially, in the beginning. The last thing I think that she wanted at all was to have the baby be her ex’s, which is also this new guy’s brother, right? It’s hard when you’re having a baby with someone. What I witnessed through this storyline is you are going to gravitate to connecting with them. For instance, when Adam and Sally are looking at the ultrasound and Nick’s feeling uncomfortable as a third wheel. It’s hard to find that balance. I really tried to do that with Sally. It was definitely a tough and challenging triangle to play.

Courtesy/CBS

This week in an upcoming episode, Sally really unleashes on Nick and she also blames him for not being there for her when she lost the baby.

COURTNEY: I’m really glad that does happen too. I think Sally’s got such a history of not getting what she wants, being left out to dry, being left alone, abandoned, all of the above. I think there is a safety in Nick that she really was holding onto. She was afraid and scared, and the last thing she wants is to get it into with Nick because she does love Nick. However, he was gone dealing with Cameron’s return, and him always saying to Sally, “I’m going to be there for you.” I think it was also the harsh realization of he does have an actual family, an ex, ex-partner, ex-wife, a child. Nick has had to save many children in general throughout his life, and for her she kind of feels left out. I think it was just another core wound for Sally to have salt poured into, plus her hormones are all over the place. She definitely unleashes on Nick. In addition, Sally has always been like the underdog, the one that fights back. Even in the midst of chaos or trauma or whatever, she’s always risen above. Sally has definitely gotten the short end of the stick a lot of times. It was hard for me, at first, to see that fight kind of dwindle out of her in the midst of all of this. I think it was essential to kind of have her lash out at Nick and kind of have this moment of pointing fingers and, and losing that grounding and that chutzpah that she’s always had from her great aunt Sally and her grandmother. It was sad to see, but she’s human. It was different for her to lash out Nick like that because they’re always so lovey-dovey. They never fight.

What do you think the near future looks like for Sally? Do you think she’s going to be wallowing in the grief of losing her child? Is she going to want to get back to work to work and kick ass?

COURTNEY: Sally is slowly but surely going to find her way back to herself and that fire that she’s always had. This loss is only going to make her stronger. It’s going to ground her even deeper in her mission. Sally has become very dependent over the last year and not wanting to be alone. I think growing through this loss and this experience will really bring her back to herself. It’ll be interesting to see what happens; where she ends up, and where she doesn’t end up.

Did you watch back the episodes back of your performances that aired last week? 

COURTNEY: I did watch it, because the most important thing for me was that I just portrayed it as best as I could and people could relate. I had a few people in mind from my personal life that have lost children in different capacities and I just kept saying, “If I can honor these three stories of a child loss, a miscarriage, and a stillbirth that I know of, if I can honor all three, then that’s what matters most to me.”

Photo: CBS

Courtney, it was just amazing and beautiful and just touched so many people. I just have to give you just kudos.

COURTNEY: I appreciate it. I also have to say The Young and the Restless did a great job too of it too in the writing, and trusting me with the story. I also appreciate you sharing that story in the beginning of what that woman said. It makes me happy that people feel safe enough to be able to open up about their stories and feel like they’re not alone. I have to say too, Mark and I have had this conversation during our rehearsals. Both of us actually have lost our brothers and witnessed our families go through that. We were just saying recently, that it’s interesting that we both got this story because one of our main missions in life, in general, is derived from that loss when we were so young, and what it did to us and our families, and really wanting to make the most of life and to tell these stories when someone’s going through something, and being there. I said, “Isn’t it crazy that we both had this experience and then this is the story that we get?” Obviously, it just thrusts us even more into going, “We’ve got to do this justice” and for our families as well.  I’m glad that a lot of people’s stories are coming to light and that people are able to share it, because sharing can really bring the healing. I’m thankful to be a part of it.

What did you think of Courtney Hope’s performance as Sally loses her baby, blames Adam for it, and tries to come to grips with the harrowing truth? Do you want Sally to wind up with Adam or Nick? Share your thoughts in the comment section, but first check out the scene where Sally asks to see her baby which was one of the most heart-tugging performances in the story.